Twists and turns as England show spirit on South African adventure

England and South Africa are having a well-earned rest after two enthralling back-to-back Tests before resuming the action at the New Wanderers Stadium in Johannesburg on Thursday. The live TV coverage fits in perfectly for me Adelaide time with the events unfolding just after tea time and going into the late evening. After England’s ruthless destruction job in the first Test victory in Durban then Ben Stokes and Jonny Bairstow going doolalee to set up a humongous platform in the Cape Town Test, it looked like it was gonna be unexpected merriment right though the series. But the stubborn Hashim Amla led a staunch fightback. In the end England were hanging on for dear life to prevent themselves sliding to an incredible defeat. Where we go from here is anybody’s guess because the South African have put themselves back in the picture for the final two Tests. The closing day had horrible echoes of Adelaide 2006 when England lost the unloseable Test after Shane Warne’s jiggery-pokery set off a batting debacle that proved impossible to reverse. That remains one of my greatest sporting traumas. At least they were able to stop the nosedive this time — just. I had feared the worst. Cape Town looks a magnificent venue to watch cricket. I have never taken in a South African trip. I have always wanted to but was put off some years ago by the words of former Sunday Times and Sunday Business colleague Graham Otway. Otters is a seasoned sports scribe and veteran of many overseas cricket tours. But he only had words of warning for me in terms of a gig to the new post-Apartheid nation. “Dave, it would not be your scene,” he said. “You can’t go wandering around the pubs of Joburg after a day’s play. You will either be robbed or someone will put a machete in your head. It’s dangerous.” That warning from Otters really put me off. I’m a passive pub crawler. I don’t do confrontations. As ex-Advertiser sage Pete O’Connor always says: “I won my last fight by 200 yards.” In previous years I had met up for an English Test match in Barbados with Otters. No problems there as the natives were some of the friendliest people I have ever me. “Hey, man we’re gonna have a big party,” said my taxi driver as I exited Bridgetown airport after plane load after plane load of thousands of English fans had made the same journey. Home advantage seems so crucial in modern Test so if England were to pull off a series victory, it would be something worth talking about. At least they are making a go of it, which is more than you can say for the West Indies who meekly turned down Australia’s offer of a contrived run chase to try to set up some kind of finish in the rain-ruined Sydney Test. With all the hullabaloo of the big Bash and the fuss over Chris Gayle’s smutty chit-chat dominating the airwaves, it would have been worth watching. The twists and turns of the Cape Town Test still proved to me that the five-day format delivers. I take a passing interest in the Big Bash but give me the real thing any day.

Graeme Smith knows how Alastair Cook felt as he searches for swift solution

Now it’s Graeme Smith’s turn to try to fathom out a way of halting the refuelled Australian cricketing juggernaut. The South African captain has just a matter of days to revive his battered and bruised troops in time for the second Test in Port Elizabeth after the chastening capitulation at Centurion.   Destroyer-in-chief Mitchell Johnson proved he was not just a one-series wonder when he followed up his recent Ashes heroics with a blistering exhibition of pace bowling that left the hosts blinking in disbelief.  If the Proteas were caught unawares during their first Test unravelling, they should earlier have given England captain Alastair Cook a quick bell on his mobile before hostilities got underway. Then again, maybe Cook would not have wanted to relive the horrors of England’s harrowing tour down under so soon. The after-effects must still be numbing for him after Johnson had orchestrated the Ashes meltdown.  Now, here was the pumped-up  paceman doing it all again, bringing the world’s top-ranked Test team literally to its knees  as wickets were taken and heads were cracked amid a venomous barrage.  I tip my hat to the Aussies.  They strolled the Ashes in a 5-0 cakewalk but I had put that down to an ill-prepared, over-confident England sinking into a state of utter disrepair as much as the upbeat captaincy of Michael Clarke, plus Johnson and his pace cohorts. It looks like I was wrong and that they might be a better team than I imagined. Smith probably thought the same as me.  He won the toss and sent the Aussies in, with much anticipation.  But that was all Smith got right.  Johnson had him upside down, inside out and back to front as he bounced him out in the first innings. Smith delivered some brave words after the four-day defeat.  He said the trampoline qualities of the pitch had helped Johnson bag his 12-wicket haul. His men would regroup, he added. Smith even felt the result could have a wake-up effect on his charges. It all sounded eerily familiar. It was the same mantra that the browbeaten Cook had trotted out to no avail so recently. I hate to say it, but these Aussies might actually be the real deal. As they gather ominous momentum, everything they do seems to come off.  They have so many in-form batsmen that Shane Watson may not gain an instant recall for the second Test. And the luck keeps going their way.  Two outrageous catches stuck for Alex Doolan at short square leg while the hapless hosts managed to drop David Warner three times on the way to his century.  The man I love to loathe doesn’t even sound so brazen in his post-play comments. The South Africans had been sloppy in the field and deserved any derision that came their way. Maybe Warner really is growing up.  His comments were accurate and apt.  It’s another sign that the team that I loathe to love is zooming to the summit of world Test cricket.  Smith has also consoled himself with the fact that the track for the second Test will not contain the pace of Centurion, thereby neutering the threat of Johnson.  It will be akin to a flat surface in Adelaide, we are told. Yet look what happened to England on that Black Saturday at Adelaide Oval just a few weeks ago when Johnson ran amok. I was there, I saw it first-hand. Maybe in years to come I will say I was happy to witness such a piece of masterful fast bowling brutality.  I doubt it. For pace perfection, I would much rather recall Wasim Akram in his Lancashire days destroying Yorkshire at Old Trafford in a Roses clash in the 1990s. My bias and loyalty fails to mutate horror memories into sudden sweet “I was there” moments.  I was at the MCG in the 94-95 series when Shane Warne nabbed his hat-trick against England. That still hurts. At present, there seems to be no stopping Johnson. His fragile mind appears to be a symptom of long ago. However, Smith insists his Proteas have it within them to remind Johnson of those less bountiful times and turn things around. It should be another fascinating contest.  I’m chilled out in the neutral corner so can just recline, relax and take it all in.  Unlike the South African batsmen.  My sole regret is that the series is only scheduled for three Tests.  A five-Test confrontation would really sort out who was the boss.   Captain Smith must already feel it’s going to be a bumpy ride…

England suffer final indignity as losing has become just part of the routine

The long plane journey from Australia to the UK is an energy-sapping haul at the best of times. Even ‘up front’ away from battery-hen class can be hard work. So imagine the endless tedium endured by England’s cricketers as they headed home, having to stew on the labelling as the worst team statistically from their homeland to ever tour Australia. The latest thumping in the Twenty20 form of the game at Sydney’s Olympic Stadium was the final indignity of a trip which had long ago turned sour.  Some were lucky to make an early escape – Kevin Pietersen and James Anderson were spared the humdrum of the 4-1 one-day verdict. Skipper Alistair Cook handed over the reins to Stuart Broad for the Twenty20 affairs. Broad and Joe Root have been here from the start when the Nottinghamshire quick was swiftly vilified by home fans and press in Brisbane. And Root seemed to have all the spirit drained from him the longer the excruciating sequence of losses went on.  It’s been a painful experience all round. As a supporter I’ve found it very hard to take in. It had come to point where I struggled to care. Twenty 20 with its hackneyed razamataz barely resembles cricket at times. But by the end I would have taken any form of diluted success. Yet the drubbings just went on and on. On Sunday I even gave Gabs permission to turn over from Channel 9 as more woe loomed for England in Sydney. To lose by a margin of 84 runs  in the closing instalment is a hiding in anybody’s language. So trying to fathom out what was going on in Natalie Portman’s head in the wacky film Black Swan seemed more entertaining than merely watching England throw wickets away in another futile run chase. I kept switching back during the ad breaks and trying to predict how many wickets England would have lost at those stages. I was unerringly spot on with my “three” and “six” time slots.  The exasperated commentators on Channel  9 were trying to keep their audience interested but, like England, they were fighting a losing battle.  And before England could finally get on the plane, the fallout from the tour from hell had claimed another high-profile victim with coach Andy Flower seemingly walking away from the wreckage. Who steps in now to try to engineer a revival is anybody’s guess, but the prospect of Ashley Giles hardly sets the excitement bells ringing.  Giles was an average Test player and prone to the odd bout of sulks when things didn’t go quite right. He does not really seem the answer.  Meanwhile,  I see Shane Warne has mischievously thrown his hat into the ring to do the job. Stranger things have happened. And at least he preaches the power of playing positive cricket.  Also, he knows the ins and outs of long airborne travel between Australia and England.  He may even take some fiendish delight in trying to get one over on his old rulers. Warnie has been dubbed the best player never to captain Australia due to various misdemeanours. Is it a far-fetched prospect or one that could snowball?  At least the soap opera of English cricket is never boring.  The Aussie fans have turned up in numbers to supplement the travelling Barmy Army and seem to have enjoyed watching England get hammered.  Stay tuned…