England seek solace as Sydney Test brings curtain down on shambolic tour

And so to Sydney… Merry 2014. It’s certainly been a miserable end to the year just finished with England’s jangled Ashes campaign reaching a new nadir thanks to the limp and clueless surrender at the MCG over Christmas. All the post-mortems are in and it must be said they seem to concur that this was the lowest of the low. The Saturday batting debacle left me almost catatonic for my evening at Adelaide’s Hotel Wright Street. I hope the players felt as bad as I did.  And the suffering wasn’t over.  The Sunday shambles in the field at least kept the incompetence consistent.  And we have managed to transform the run-of-the-mill off-spinner who doesn’t spin the ball, Nathan Lyon, into an apparent world-beater.  At the moment, England would struggle to beat Salesbury third XI. But it’s all over now, so let’s look ahead. Can there be solace of any kind at the SCG? Well. Alastair Cook might win the toss, which would be a good start. But apparently the track is well grassed so if Michael Clarke makes it five out of five, he might invite us to bat anyway. He did put Sri Lanka in last year in their Sydney encounter. It might be another torrid experience. I still can’t believe how quickly things have changed. It was only a few months ago that I was imbibing with some esteemed Aussie scribes in the Argyll Arms in London’s Oxford Circus after the visitors’ batting horror show at Lord’s.  The connection was via Ian Fuge, my great Arsenal-supporting mate who steers the ship of sport at the Sydney Morning Herald. The Aussie press corps were low – totally down in the dumps. “We will have to get used to this,’ said one. “This is how Ashes series are going to be for a long time ahead.” I nodded politely but was quietly looking forward to the thought. How wrong we all were in our musings. The same writers are now having a field day rubbing in England’s hurting. Fair play to ‘em – grab it while you can. At least the English fans should try and enjoy the Sydney setting. The SCG is my favourite Aussie cricket ground. It’s just the right size and has the ambience to still offer a “big stadium’ feel. I always felt the gush about Adelaide Oval was over the top. It was more higgledy-piggledy than picturesque to me. Not that I have a degree in Architecture.  And the MCG is just too big. You can have 45.000 fans in there and it feels like there is no-one watching. The SCG is just right, though I believe it is suffering redevelopment hassles as well. But the location offers up ample pub opportunities. From the trendy watering holes of Paddington – the London Tavern and the Paddington Inn – to the equally accessible stopping-off points via Surry Hills. Is the Cricketers Arms still going?  And you can walk from the city centre without getting thirsty. Enjoy the occasion. Let’s pray for a sudden England turnaround. I know I have been saying that since the Gabba, but you can only live in hope.