Australia can be hailed as world-beaters despite fresh bad-boy behaviour

Australia deserve to lay claim to being the best Test cricketing team in the world.  The red tape of the current standings mean that they are not allowed to officially do so. But having beaten top dogs South Africa on their own turf, it is plain to see where the reality lies.  With perennial bad travellers India arriving on Australian shores for a four-Test series next summer, it seems only a matter of time before things are put in true perspective.  As an Englishman, it hurts me to say that but the Aussies deserve all the accolades that may come their way after a gripping series.  They left it late on the final day in Cape Town to seal a 2-1 series verdict as South Africa looked like doing a repeat of their “great escape” in Adelaide in November 2012. However, in the end,  Ryan Harris’s last-gasp heroics did the trick. If the Proteas had held out, skipper Michael Clarke would have had only himself to blame.  For once his tactics seemed out of sync on the fourth day when he appeared to delay his declaration needlessly.  Fair enough,  the  Aussies were scoring runs at a phenomenal rate and South Africa were backpedalling to such an extent that they had every fielder located on the boundary.  Yet Clarke’s dilly-dallying indicated a rare lack of perspective.  He must have been a relieved man when things worked out after a long, hot final day of South African resistance.  Graeme Smith’s men deserve much applause for the way they kept going in the face of an apparent hopeless task. The plucky resistance put England’s recent feeble efforts in Australia in an even more embarrassing light.  At the end of sparkling summer, Australia have turned their fortunes round completely.  After the 4-0 rout in India, then arriving in England looking like a rabble for the Northern Ashes series and suffering another beating,  such an outcome would have appeared fanciful, if not ridiculous. It’s been a  phenomenal  team  effort with spectacular individual performances from Mitchell Johnson and Dave Warner.  Pocket rocket Warner has been described by Proteas’ coach Allan Donald as the most dangerous batsman since Brian Lara.  Quite an accolade. And well merited.  Indeed, Warner has progressed from being a Big Bash novelty act to a bona fide Test great. What a shame he appears to be such a prat.  Every time he opens his mouth, he seems to spout some new drivel.  Still, he’s a sportsman not an orator.  Sadly that image seems to live with the Aussies. Even Clarke let himself down with his foul-mouthed rant at Dale Steyn as things got heated in the final stages of the Test. With umpires and players having to intervene,  Clarke displayed boorish behaviour that was straight from the Roy Keane school of footballing diplomacy when the Irish midfielder was at his spiteful best for Manchester United.  It’s all very well coming out with profuse apologies after the event, but it’s not a good look.  Is this what the Aussies call “playing good, hard cricket” or a stressed captain sparking an outbreak of childish bullying tactics towards opponents and umpires?  In the end, such playground tantrums could not take anything from an absorbing series. Michael Holding spoke for many of us from the TV commentary box as the last day unfolded.  He jokingly said:  “Breaking news – the three Twenty20 games have been cancelled and we are going to have an extra Test.”  If only, Mikey, if only… Wonderful  wishful  thinking on his part.

 

Australia’s abrupt fall from grace sets up perfect script for Test decider

Australia’s captivating tour of South Africa heads to Cape Town for the final instalment of the three-Test series starting on Saturday.  The hosts rewrote the form book to give the Aussies a thumping in the second Test at Port Elizabeth.  After Michael Clarke’s men had enjoyed a seamless run of six consecutive Test victories (albeit five against a hopeless England), it must have been a shock to the system. It certainly surprised me. What happens from here is anybody’s guess. As I have said before, it’s just a shame that the series is not a five-Test contest.  It leaves a feeling of frustration that the plot has not been played out to its proper conclusion. I felt the same when South Africa were last touring in Australia in late 2012. The Proteas’ “great escape” in Adelaide set things up for an enthralling ride which was cut short with a mere three Tests.  It seems to be in vogue throughout world cricket to have shortened series – apart from the Ashes – to fit in with a permanently congested calendar. In England there appears to be a “minor” series happening from May each season. At that stage of the year, you can still have frostbite on your fingers fielding in the slip cordon and cricketing events always seem to be getting creakily underway before the sun finally makes an appearance (we hope) in the main summer months of June, July and August. Last year it was the New Zealanders who provided a warm-up exercise for  Alastair Cook’s men before the blockbuster first act of back-to-back Ashes confrontations took centre stage.  It is a real irritant for me, but with the global demands of 50-over cricket and the ever-growing razamataz of Twenty20, I suppose this is the harsh reality.  Anyway, from my neutral corner,  the Cape Town decider looks an appetising affair. The Port Elizabeth rout seems to indicate that the Aussies will be looking to rush Shane Watson back into their ranks. The injury-prone allrounder would bolster the bowling contingent, who looked strangely subdued as South Africa took firm control of the second Test.  Mitchell Johnson was back to being a mere mortal in his bowling stints and even got a whack on the helmet when he batted as the South Africans showed they were not going to be messed about. His erstwhile partners in crime Ryan Harris and Peter Siddle could almost have been diagnosed with having caught the Jimmy Anderson disease. Both seemed tired, listless and down on pace.  They have had a heavy workload. Maybe it is beginning to tell. I always reckoned that Harris would break down at some stage of the combined Ashes tours. He didn’t. Now here he is, still running in hardily, but showing signs of fatigue.  And the same seems true for Siddle.  Even his heavy intake of bananas can’t keep him going for ever. It was left to the unheralded spin of Nathan Lyon to snare a tidy haul of victims and keep the South Africans in some kind of check. Both captains – Graeme Smith and Clarke – are out of form and short of runs so at least that evens itself out ahead of the decider. But even if Shaun Marsh or Alex Doolan drops out to accommodate Watson, the Aussie batting line-up looks the one more likely to implode.  This was even evident in the Ashes Tests but here Brad Haddin has been unable to come to the crease and implement his renowned one-man rescue act. If only he had done this a couple of months ago, it would have lifted many Englishmen’s state of mind. It’s all to play for and the game should be a cracker. However, my appetite won’t be sated after three Tests.  It’s a real disappointment there isn’t going to be more to savour…

Graeme Smith knows how Alastair Cook felt as he searches for swift solution

Now it’s Graeme Smith’s turn to try to fathom out a way of halting the refuelled Australian cricketing juggernaut. The South African captain has just a matter of days to revive his battered and bruised troops in time for the second Test in Port Elizabeth after the chastening capitulation at Centurion.   Destroyer-in-chief Mitchell Johnson proved he was not just a one-series wonder when he followed up his recent Ashes heroics with a blistering exhibition of pace bowling that left the hosts blinking in disbelief.  If the Proteas were caught unawares during their first Test unravelling, they should earlier have given England captain Alastair Cook a quick bell on his mobile before hostilities got underway. Then again, maybe Cook would not have wanted to relive the horrors of England’s harrowing tour down under so soon. The after-effects must still be numbing for him after Johnson had orchestrated the Ashes meltdown.  Now, here was the pumped-up  paceman doing it all again, bringing the world’s top-ranked Test team literally to its knees  as wickets were taken and heads were cracked amid a venomous barrage.  I tip my hat to the Aussies.  They strolled the Ashes in a 5-0 cakewalk but I had put that down to an ill-prepared, over-confident England sinking into a state of utter disrepair as much as the upbeat captaincy of Michael Clarke, plus Johnson and his pace cohorts. It looks like I was wrong and that they might be a better team than I imagined. Smith probably thought the same as me.  He won the toss and sent the Aussies in, with much anticipation.  But that was all Smith got right.  Johnson had him upside down, inside out and back to front as he bounced him out in the first innings. Smith delivered some brave words after the four-day defeat.  He said the trampoline qualities of the pitch had helped Johnson bag his 12-wicket haul. His men would regroup, he added. Smith even felt the result could have a wake-up effect on his charges. It all sounded eerily familiar. It was the same mantra that the browbeaten Cook had trotted out to no avail so recently. I hate to say it, but these Aussies might actually be the real deal. As they gather ominous momentum, everything they do seems to come off.  They have so many in-form batsmen that Shane Watson may not gain an instant recall for the second Test. And the luck keeps going their way.  Two outrageous catches stuck for Alex Doolan at short square leg while the hapless hosts managed to drop David Warner three times on the way to his century.  The man I love to loathe doesn’t even sound so brazen in his post-play comments. The South Africans had been sloppy in the field and deserved any derision that came their way. Maybe Warner really is growing up.  His comments were accurate and apt.  It’s another sign that the team that I loathe to love is zooming to the summit of world Test cricket.  Smith has also consoled himself with the fact that the track for the second Test will not contain the pace of Centurion, thereby neutering the threat of Johnson.  It will be akin to a flat surface in Adelaide, we are told. Yet look what happened to England on that Black Saturday at Adelaide Oval just a few weeks ago when Johnson ran amok. I was there, I saw it first-hand. Maybe in years to come I will say I was happy to witness such a piece of masterful fast bowling brutality.  I doubt it. For pace perfection, I would much rather recall Wasim Akram in his Lancashire days destroying Yorkshire at Old Trafford in a Roses clash in the 1990s. My bias and loyalty fails to mutate horror memories into sudden sweet “I was there” moments.  I was at the MCG in the 94-95 series when Shane Warne nabbed his hat-trick against England. That still hurts. At present, there seems to be no stopping Johnson. His fragile mind appears to be a symptom of long ago. However, Smith insists his Proteas have it within them to remind Johnson of those less bountiful times and turn things around. It should be another fascinating contest.  I’m chilled out in the neutral corner so can just recline, relax and take it all in.  Unlike the South African batsmen.  My sole regret is that the series is only scheduled for three Tests.  A five-Test confrontation would really sort out who was the boss.   Captain Smith must already feel it’s going to be a bumpy ride…

Merciful escape as Cook finally retreats from his traumatic Ashes tour

Alastair Cook must be relieved to be back in the cold and grey of an English winter. He can finally relax after escaping the furnace of a red-hot Australian summer.  His every move will not be scrutinised and monitored as he goes about his business back on Civvy Street, well away from the cricketing nightmare that he has just endured at the helm of a truly calamitous English tour. With the Ashes meekly surrendered during a Test series where everything that could have gone wrong, generally did, then a painful 4-1 loss in the one-dayers, he will be glad to escape.  What happens after this, who knows…  At least he will have time to reflect on his next move. Cook must wonder where it all went wrong. On the opening day of the first Test in Brisbane, his English side had seemingly done all the hard work with the Aussies labouring at 132 for six. Then came the Brad Haddin-Mitchell Johnson recovery act and it just seemed to happen over and over again. There was no let-up in the one-dayers.  How England managed to lose in Brisbane and Adelaide when they had things under control, is beyond me. It’s been a long, hard journey. And certainly one that nobody could have realistically predicted back in November.  To be a cricketing tourist on the wrong end of a hammering – no matter where you are – must seem like an endless  chore.  A few things have been brought home to me as I find myself halfway through a captivating autobiography written by another former England captain with choirboy looks and an elegant batting style. David Gower’s book was published in 1993 in tandem with Martin Johnson and it makes fascinating reading.  For starters, it brings home the fact that it is not the norm for an English Test team to be successful.  I must have air-brushed all the bad memories aside cos I had forgotten all the pain of the 1980s when as well as being humiliated by the West Indies when they ruled the cricketing universe, we had rough results against Australia.  Gower also recounts surprise hiccups against Pakistan and New Zealand during this topsy-turvy era.  I can only instantly remember the heady days of the 1985 Ashes triumph on home soil, where Gower played an intrinsic role, and the subsequent 1986-87 reverse success in Oz.  But you wonder how that ever happened because in Gower’ s tales, the tour seems a total fiasco. Yet somehow, England came though. After soaking up Gower’s book I suddenly feel that down the years, England don’t actually know how to channel a winning feel. It’s as if when a peak is scaled, it is “job done’. It happened in 2005 and now it’s happened again.  More realistically, par for the course seems defeat – often in ugly circumstances, followed by much inward recriminations as part of the blame game. Gower’s years at the top were in an England side that featured such legends as Graham Gooch, Ian Botham and Allan Lamb. But there seemed to be more bad times than good.  The 1989 Ashes series defeat in England – starting with the horrors of Headingley – was even more galling than this current shambles.  And in both case, the eventual one-sided outcome was totally  unexpected. So as captain Cook settles back on home soil, the one consolation he can have is that this has all happened before. Not much to feel cheered by, true, but it wasn’t all his fault.  There have been other victims along the way – notably Jonathan Trott and Graeme Swann.  And even Steve Finn was sent home for early rehabilitation after a non-playing role. It was like a wagon train struggling through hostile Indian territory with one victim being picked off at various stages by a horde of ruthless Comanches.  At least the retiring Swann has stood by his erstwhile skipper.  Swann reckons that he and his England team-mates were so “terrible” throughout this traumatic Test series, that nobody could have made a decent job of captaining such an under-performing bunch. Let’s hope better things are round the corner. Even in Gower’s years, the rollercoaster ride was always just that.

England face tough task as pacey Perth track lies ahead

So now it’s the perilous journey to Perth that lies ahead for Alistair Cook’s beleaguered tourists. Even the most rabid of England fans must be finding it difficult to find a way back with the team 2-0 down and seemingly set for another torrid encounter in the pace-friendly track out west. If the ever-menacing Mitchell Johnson can cause such havoc on a supposedly bland drop-in track at Adelaide Oval, who knows what terrors may lie ahead on his adopted WACA lair. It’s still hard to fathom what has happened in the first two Tests. For me, it’s been a bit of a blur. And a  very disheartening one.  After all, England started this series as favourites, if narrow ones in my opinion. And after the first days in Brisbane and Adelaide, it could be argued that England held   the slight advantage in both games. Only to be blown away by Mitchell Johnson. Mitchell who?  Surely not that figure of fun from previous Ashes contests who was mocked mercilessly by the England fans and at times couldn’t even direct the ball onto the shaven part of the pitch. Yes, that same clown who has somehow transformed himself into a one-man hit squad. He can’t bowl from both ends but he is having the same effect, with the other bowlers feeding off his influence.  I have witnessed previous England capitulations over here, notably from Michael Atherton and Nasser Hussain’s teams. And when “Freddie’  Flintoff presided over the 5-0 whitewash in 2006-07, it was almost unbearable. But in some ways this could be worse. I don’t particularly care for Jonathan Agnew’s posh tones on the ABC radio but then again, that’s cos I’m an inverted snob. If you don’t have Newcastle Brown Ale on your cornflakes in the morning, I’d probably be suspicious. Yet “Aggers” makes the very valid point that at least on those occasions, England were expected to lose. This time it feels like we have walked into an ambush.  It was only a few months ago that some English writer back in London was gobbing on about how he wanted Australia to win the second Test at Lord’s “to make a contest of it.”  Just because England had won at Trent Bridge. What piffle. Us English, eh! We don’t even know how to win. I wanted to slaughter the bloody Aussies, cos in sport, you never know what lies around the corner.   You have to enjoy the good times cos summat bad can be lurking unannounced. And that is what has happened.  I have no time for the “jolly good show, old chap” pretence. As Johnson was meting out his carnage in our first innings and I had to watch, stood up in the Southern Stand of the Adelaide Oval, I admit I hated it. I squirmed. I suffered. In complete silence, with my radio in my ear. No applause from me. Just sodding dejection as the English misery piled up right in front of me. I wondered whether that oafish aforementioned writer, perhaps watching back in London on the telly, was enjoying the “contest” now. Points of consolation? Well the Cooper’s Pale proved a hit with my visiting English mates as I had predicted. Shame that Alan from Tamworth was out of action after the third day cos of sunstroke from a day on the Hill. And the English support, was sensational as usual, albeit in a losing cause. Even as the last rites were being administered on the morning of day five, the only noise seemed to be coming from the English hordes on the grassy bank of the Hill. Michael Clarke must have been joking when he thanked the Australian “support” which was as  subdued as ever.  It backed up the Brisbane let-down when the ABC radio crew were bemoaning the lack of support as the Aussies zeroed in on an overdue win. They could  not believe that there were only 11,000 at the Gabba, with half of those probably English followers. Anyway, maybe some Aussies will sing in Perth. I dunno where England can go from here. It’s gonna be baking hot too. We just have to show some ticker and try to carry Johnson back in Dr Who’s tardis to the time zone when he was hopeless.  But Cook looks in a jangled state of confusion, even if Ian Bell appears unflustered. And Kevin Pietersen doesn’t seem to believe in his own swagger any more. It’s gonna be a titanic task but let’s try to give the suddenly smirking Aussies something to think about.